A handful of you know about my mother, thank you for your concern. I wonder sometimes if her and my father had known an alternate way to express their devotion to each other if they would’ve been more content. In the end though, even in their own way they have taught me so very much. This is dedicated to them and LOVE period. May we all be so lucky to experience a love we yearn for. I wrote this in June of 2013 while watching my mother struggle with living without her life partner, my father, who died unexpectedly from a heart attack in October of 2010.
The Golden Years
At 76 years of age, my father was still working on big boy toys,
Outside in the heat, making a living for his family.
Never knowing when to stop, unless the sun set or
Except during the cold months,
When winter would force him inside.
Then he shut those big machines off,
Storing them away until spring came.
Unexpected events
His death was unexpected that fall.
In fact, everyone waited for my mothers.
She had shown signs of failing health.
Doctors had even given up percentages,
Numbers that meant nothing unless
You are the gambling sort. She wasn’t,
Nor were her children. Nor him.
Precious Time
Everyone spent precious time with her,
Never thinking he would be the first.
We all took his strength, his reliable figure at the head
Of the table, of the family for granted.
Grief
I sit on the phone with her now, a few years later as she talks,
Listening to her expressing her sadness, her anger,
Her loss, her words telling me, “I want to go.
I want to be with him.” My voice shakes as I try
To come back with words but there are
None and she is well aware of that. I only tell her, “I know.”
Give up the fight
She is ready. She is weak. She has given up her fight.
It is him, it is his touch, it is his love,
It is his voice that calls her to come be with him.
Theirs was not the love you read of in books,
Or fairytales or even hear in the love songs.
They had many debates, differing views, even unmet needs…..
Lessons
Perfection was not in the cards for them, only progress….
Two steps forward, three back.
She is leaving us and even
Though my eyes well up with tears,
As they fall onto my chest and I feel them run down my hot cheeks,
All I can think is how deeply I really do understand her yearning,
Her longing for him, her want of him, her loss of his touch,
Her loss of his love, of his voice, that was the light of her life.
All I can think is how one day I hope to be so lucky to experience the same.
I hope you will share your experiences and thoughts with me either in the comments below or send me an email.
All the best,
Gma Katherine
w. livinglifewithgma